this rain is downright biblical.

Seriously, I've lowered my standards in the man hunt to this: Must Have Ark.

Apparently, the early fronts of Frances have made their way into New York City. For a girl who's rather accustomed to having a car, this is a bit of a miserable situation for me. I used to dash from my apartment to my car, then from my car to my office. I might get a little wet in doing so. But today? Well, let me put it this way: as I write this, the rain water is still dripping down my legs and pooling under the desk.

You think I'm kidding? I'm not. In the matter of a couple of hours, enough rain has fallen to completely flood the city. With nowhere to go, it comes down the streets in tidal waves triggered by giant bus wheels. The street-river flows at the same height as the curb, threatening at any moment to reach over and lap your already-soaked feet. And what water does drain down flows directly into the subway grates, splashing down on the platforms and passengers below, then onto the tracks (which considering they are electric is a little scary). So your whole train ride is spent facing drippy men (so what's new) and women whose makeup now closely resembles that of Alice Cooper. Myself included.

I had an umbrella. A very big, good umbrella. Yet I am completely soaked from the waist down. When I say "completely soaked" I mean I am sitting on my wet ass and behind me my socks rest on a paper towel after I wrang out approximately six gallons of water. I at least had the foresight to wear a skirt, figuring I'd rather my gams get wet than my pants--which proved wise judging by the complete and utter saturation I saw on all pant-wearers. I just didn't expect the rain to get me so far up. I think my grandfather's waders would have been the only appropriate attire for my walk this morning in the biblical monsooning deluge.

It's not like it was just rain. We're talking (pardon a second Forrest Gump reference), big ol' FAT rain and rain that flew in sideways. No matter how cleverly I tried to angle my umbrella against the horizontal precipitation, nothing helped. Taxis flew by splashing more tidal waves at defenseless pedestrians. Trees gathered water and dropped it in bigger, meaner proportions. Small children and animals floated by on inner tubes, crying helplessly as they drifted out to sea.
And, the best part is, they say tonight the rain will get "heavy."

Heavy?? Then what the flying fuck do you call this?!?!?!