my friends the spammers.

So, like the rest of the world's email account holders, I have been receiving a lot of spam lately. For a while I had the spam filter on, and things quieted down. But then I started job hunting again, and bouncing my prospective employers with a less-than-friendly reminder not to spam my ass, so I had to turn it back off. So now that the spam is rolling back in again, I have taken a new approach with it: keeping track of the funniest auto-generated titles.

• My buddy Josh Childs sent me one with To sign go stoneless perceptible as a subject. I liked this one because I think it's brilliant for anyone (or anything) to make "stoneless perceptible" a phrase. If I use it, it sounds brilliant, and if people try to figure out what I mean, they get confused, believing I must be even more brilliant if I get it. So when someone now asks me "How's work? How's that idiot boss of yours?" I simply respond, "Oh, you know. He's the same stoneless perceptible."


• Homegirl Joanna Hall sent me one about my shady past patriot petersburg. It was one of those word plays that confuses my overly syntactical mind. Shady past? Shady patriot from the past? Petersburg the shady patriot from the past? I assumed it's about some guy named Peter Sburg who was at one time impotent, but now thanks to the cheap prescription offers in the email, is no longer in the shady past, but is rather a sexual patriot. That must be it.


• Edwin Hubbard seems to know something I don't in his email entitled High octane Stocks desecrate willie. The first thing I thought was, "Ow. Poor willie." It can't feel good to be desecrated, by stocks or otherwise. And high octane stocks?? Damn. Poor willie. But I do wonder...whose willie are we talking about? Is it Edwin's? And if so, why is he advertising his own desecration?


• My favorite pair of spam-mails were from Alberto Serrano, offering Love tabs that helps you stay on top, made funnier by the follow-up email from Andrew, correctly reminding me that Alberto said hi. How did Andrew know Alberto said hi? They must know each other. Or maybe Andrew was the one on top.


• And lastly, today's gem of the day, a quick chance to re-deliver my childhood: Beau McConnell's sweet offer of Pony Rides - 25 cents - 2 for 50! dredge bobbin. Now, I'm assuming that Dredge Bobbin is the horse's name. It sounds like something you'd hear over the PA system at the Kentucky Derby. "And they're coming around the bend! Neck and neck! It's gonna be a photo finish and...and!! It's Dredge Bobbin ladies and gents!" So what a bargain, 25 cents! And I assume I don't need any sort of membership card to get the special 2 for 50 deal. Beau really knows what a girl wants. Pony rides.