caller ID-pendence

For the last two weeks, someone has been calling my cell phone from an "Unavailable #." In today's age of Caller ID, reverse phone lookup, and *69, it's extremely upsetting when I don't know who called me. I know I'm not alone on this.

Most people who call me are stored in my phone, so their name shows up. Otherwise, the only other callers are looking for the girl who used to own the number, some ho named Tiffany (which, unfortunately, audibly resembles Stephanie), who apparently answered booty calls at all hours of the night. At 3am when my phone rings, I no longer answer it, because I know the conversation will be:

Me: Hello?
Caller: Yo, Tiffany, I wanna git wid you tonight.
Me: Tiffany doesn't have this number anymore.
Caller: Oh yeah? Who dis? You wanna git wid me tonight?
Me: Not on your life. (Click.)

So anyhow, other than fielding Tiffany's calls and my own friends and family, it's very, very rare that "Unavailable" shows up on my phone. Well, "Unavailable" has been calling me like CRAZY lately, and I can NOT figure out who it is. What if it's someone I've been dying to hear from? What if it's someone calling to tell me I won a million dollars, or to profess their undying love for me? Who IS this mysterious, persistent Unavailable caller?

After missing the call 6 or 7 times, I finally set to carrying the phone around with me at all times--even into the bathroom--so I could answer it when Unavailable called back. I was determined to find out who it was. Then one day I was sitting in my room writing a paper when the phone rang. I leapt across the bed and lunged for the phone. It was Unavailable! I flipped the phone open and said hello...but it said I missed the call. In 2 rings. (I usually get 8 or 9.)

Feeling dejected about my failure, I continued to carry the phone around, literally attached at my hip in the little clippy holster thing I got from Verizon. Over the course of the next week, Unavailable called multiple times, and I answered multiple times, always getting "missed call" after a mere two rings. When it happened today, I apparently shout-whispered something moderately profane at the phone, because someone a few feet away laughed at me.

Then last week as I was riding shotty with my cousin who was racing frantically to get us to a funeral service in time. My phone rang and it said "Unavailable #." Without hesitation, I pulled out the antenna and flipped the phone open in one smooth maneuver. "HELLO?" I screamed. "HELLO???"

"Hello, Ma'am, is this Stephanie?" This is never, ever a good start to a phone call.
"Yes, this is she."
"This is TV Guide calling to offer you a free one month trial to our new mag--"
"I'm not interested. I don't have time to watch TV. Please don't call me again."

I flipped the phone shut and shoved the antenna back in before sitting back with a hefty pout.

"Did you just get a SALES call on your CELL phone?" my cousin asked.
"Yes."
"Isn't that ILLEGAL?"
"I don't know. But it should be. Unavailable bastards."