office ass politics

So, I'm sitting at work and this new guy, who we'll call Bob, walks by my desk on the way to his own desk. As he passes, I notice that Bob has a very bright piece of pink thread stuck to his ass. Because he is wearing dark brown pants, the pink thread really stands out.

Several minutes later, Bob walks by again, and the bright pink thread is still there. I feel a little bad for Bob, because I know that nobody is going to tell him that thread is there--including me. Why won't I tell him? Well, for one thing, he's fairly new and I don't know him so well. And for another, it would probably be quite embarrassing for him. Plus, there's the fact that in telling him, I am acknowledging that in some manner I have been looking at his ass, even though the reality is that the contrast of bright pink on brown has everything to do with it.

But when I thought about other people having bright pink ass thread, and whether or not I'd tell them and/or assist them in getting the thread off, my answers surprised me. For example:

• Female co-workers with whom I've consumed many margaritas: yes I'd tell, yes I'd assist.
• Male co-workers with whom I've consumed many margaritas: yes I'd tell, maybe I'd assist (depending on attractiveness of said ass).
• Co-workers with whom I have friendly office conversation but no out-of-office contact: no and no.
• My boss: Definitely no. (Due to laughability/humiliation factor)

So I ran an informal survey of one person (margin of error: 100%) to see what other people think of the thread-on-the-ass scenario. And it sounds like the real issue is comfort with the wearer of the ass thread and/or a desire for their laughability or humiliation. My respondent said he would not tell Bob either, but if it was me, he would tell me, because I'm "not new."

The point is, it's been almost 2 hours, and Bob is still walking around with bright pink thread on his ass. This is a good opportunity to reflect, and think about whose ass you'd want to save from a pink thread, and who would save yours. Also, you should consider lint rollers, because the ass you save could be your own.