Hi ho, cheerio!

Well kids, looks like it’s Cheerios for dinner again. Yay!

This marks the fifth night of eight that I’ve had Cheerios for dinner, and the third night that I had Cheerios for dinner after also eating them for breakfast.

I know you’re wondering why.

The first night I was in my new apartment, I ran to the bodega across the street and bought toilet paper and milk. For a week, that milk has been the only thing in my fridge besides water…and the fridge instructions and warranty that are still in the meat drawer. I have no meat or perishable foods of any kind because, well…

Here’s the thing. I’ve had no time to call the gas company and schedule them to come turn on the gas in my apartment. This means I have no stove or oven to cook meals on or in. For the moment, the stove is purely for decoration, and/or for storing sweaters.

I realize the next logical jump for most people is “Well, use the microwave!” But, I don’t have one. My last apartment had one built in, so I got rid of mine, and…now I have nothing. (Makes me rather wish I’d kept the toaster oven that burned everything I put in it – even charred crap is a variation from Cheerios with milk.)

But as I told my concerned grandmother today – don’t worry. For starters, there’s a nice layer of fat around my ass that will surely sustain me if my nutritional well-being starts to wane. But also, there’s a cafeteria at work, and I eat normal, non-Cheerios meals there for lunch Monday thru Friday.

Furthermore, there is an end in sight to this whole grain madness. You see, the box is running low, and I will soon run out and be forced to eat something else from the cupboard…like corn flakes. (But when those run out, I’m really in trouble.)