i need to talk to this webster guy.

So, I'm an editor. Many of you know this. However, I pride myself on being "an editor with personality." There are many in my company who are "editors sans personality," and take their job a little too seriously.

As an editor, it is my job to be, as my sister would put it, a "giant geek" when it comes to things like punctuation, verb-subject agreement, and even spelling. (Although, when she has a paper to hand in, who comes looking for the "giant geek"? That's right baby. Come to sister.)

Well, it was just brought to my attention by another editor, the "sans" type that is devoid of personality or sense of humor (and hopefully the type that does not read my blog), that I have misspelled a word in one of my books. I quote:

"In the penultimate paragraph, change 'supercede' to the preferable (according to Webster's) 'supersede.'"

Okay, first...who the hell uses words like "penultimate"??? LOSER. I had to look it up, at friggin' Webster's.

Second, hey Webster...WHO MADE YOU IN CHARGE? I have been using superCede for many years, and it's always been fine. Why, suddenly, am I WRONG?

Alarmingly, this brings back painful memories of a certain wrinkly bitch at my former place of employment whose clearly visually impaired boyfriend supposedly works as a dictionary editor. She was very proud of this, always. Whereas the rest of us just hoped her inappropriate leather pants would come to life as an angry cow and chomp, thrash, and press her into ironic wrinkly bitch pants.

But back to my point: Who, exactly, are these people who decide when words should be added, removed, or changed in a dictionary? And how do they get this authority? I am concerned that it is being abused. As a professional giant geek, it is my job to stay on top of these things--but this superCede business just really irritates me, much like these did:

• "irregardless" is now a word in the dictionary, despite the fact that its common usage is derived from people who don't know it WASN'T a word in the first place.
• "aks" is now an acceptable pronunciation of the word "ask," which apparently is part of the Adopt Improper Pronunciations Instead of Teaching the Right One program.
• "reenter" (or re-enter) no longer requires a hyphen. Ya think? Reenter sounds like something that probes someone's butt in an alien abduction.

So, I would really like to talk to this Webster character, except I can't because he's dead. But I'd really like to know exactly who thinks they can just walk around making these changes for the rest of us. Irregardless, all I'm aksing for is a little authority to supersede these stupid words, and have them reentered properly.

Idiots.