identity crisis.

Okay, I know, I'm sorry. I've been MIA for days. Weeks even. I've been very busy, and I haven't seen any public penises lately.

I did, however, just email my mother, father, and sister, to tell them how amused I am at today's wardrobe malfunction slash identity crisis.

Last week I went to Old Navy. For some reason, I bought many green items, including an adorable Margarita Madness bag (how fitting!) and two green shirts. Today I put on one of the shirts. It works, I thought, as I stood in front of the mirror.

Now I'm at work, and people are commenting on how the shirt really brings out my green eyes. This severely confuses me because I always thought of myself as having BROWN eyes. Or at least that is what it looks like in all the pictures. I mean, I can't say I spend a whole lot of time in front of the mirror assessing the flecks of colors in my irises. But I also think I would have noticed if my eyes were GREEN.

Then I remembered the incident years ago, when I was at a wedding with my ex-boyfriend's family. Van Morrison's "Brown Eyed Girl" came on, and my ex's sister jumped up to dance, exclaiming "Hey, this is my song!" I jumped up as well, saying "Mine too! Let's dance!" And Cristie, in my memory, put her hands on her hips and sassed me with "Your eyes aren't brown. They're green," then trotted off to the dance floor, leaving me there in my befuddled state.

Now here I sit, staring at myself in the mirror, studying my eyeballs. And it turns out...they're really not brown at all. What the hell? When did THAT change? They're sorta hollow gray-greenish with some strange orange flecks. How did I miss this?? How do you not know what color your eyes are? And what do I do now that there's no sweet American tune about my eye color?

Ugh. This changes everything.