again with the chocolates and flowers??

It's Valentine's Day Eve, and I'm already grumping about it. V-day is one of those "holidays" that I dislike immensely and hope to ignore despite the multiple millions of dollars that are spent by "the industry" to flaunt it and aim it down my throat in the hopes of making me gag.

A lot of people say to me, "You just don't like Valentine's Day because you're single." Usually, in response to that, I say something eloquent and articulate along the lines of "Go fuck yourself." No, that's not why I don't like it. And while that reason may not exactly help the situation, it sure isn't a primary reason. Let me explain.

There have been years where, when good ol' Saint Valentine came knocking upon our doors with his little cherubs and red-hearted arrows, I have been not single. And even in those years, the only Valentines I ever got were from my mom. (Thanks mom.) In fact, there is only one year I can recall getting anything: 1995. My best guy friend in high school gave me a mix tape whose grand finale was Dennis Leary's hit single, "Asshole." Despite this, the mix tape is still the best Valentine's gift I ever got, simply because it is the ONLY Valentine's gift I ever got...that wasn't from my mom. So really, I've had 9 years of dashed expectations that make me the Realist that I am today.

So I don't expect much. Scratch that...I don't expect anything. A card would put me into shock. Flowers--cardiac arrest. Like last Friday, I went to get a sandwich for lunch. And the guy at the deli gave me and one of my friends each a small stalk of flowers from a vase. I squealed with joy at the kindness of strangers (who likely just want my return business), and giggled even though big burly construction workers were trying to sweet talk my flowers away from me. "No way!" I told them through their reflective safety vests. "These are the only flowers I'm gonna get! Back off!" I may, however, return to that same deli tomorrow and see if I can scrounge up a box of chocolates, or perhaps some sort of marriage-for-greencard arrangement.

Anyhow, I just wanted to state, for the record, that I'm not a big fan of the highly commercialized Hallmark Holiday that we are forced to reckon with each year on February 14th. This year, I did send one e-valentine to one person, and it was only because it contained a very cute puppy (another industry marketing ploy). Otherwise, I'm really only in it for the next-day half-off chocolate sales.

That, and the card from my mom. (Thanks mom.)