I propose a new policy in all places of employment that require employees to sit side-by-side separated by walls that only go a portion of the distance between the floor and the ceiling. The policy should state:
"At no time is it permissible to bring fish to the workplace, microwave the fish, or eat it at your desk. If you are seen or smelled in the act of causing a fishy smell in the workplace, it is grounds for immediate dismissal or death."
Anyone who knows me can tell you--I am NOT a fish person. If it comes from the ocean, keep it the hell away from me. As a kid, my grandfather would catch fish and send them home where my mother would cook them. I would close my bedroom door, wedge a towel under it, and run to an open window to breathe fresh non-fish-smelling air. I am NOT making this up.
So it comes as no surprise to most people that now, years later, I have a similar reaction when someone brings fish into the office. To me, this is one of the greatest offenses caused to mankind. It's among the ranks of coveting thy neighbors wife, murder, and shushing. (Yes, shushing, as in "ssssssh!") There are NO words for how horrifyingly nauseating the smell of reheated fish is to people who DON'T LIKE IT. And fish-eating folks should bear this in mind when providing us a slow death through microwaved fishery.
I bring this up because I know Anne Marie is with me on it. That, and the fact that the woman who sits near me at work (who I actually like very much) is eating fish for the second time this week. But I can't complain about it because a) she's a vegetarian and b) she's pregnant. She needs her protein. But does it have to be at my expense?? Can't she take a pill or something? I'm sitting over here with a binder clip clamping my nose shut and my head in the trash can. This is no way to live.
So, people, please. If you yourself are a fish-eater, and you find yourself bringing in a little container of it to work one day, think for a minute about the people around you. Just because your lunch smells good to YOU doesn't mean anyone else wants to smell it, lingering around the office for hours, infiltrating every nook and cranny with its rotten aroma, reviving a newfound potency every time someone opens the microwave door. You're killin' me, and many people like me who never did anything to deserve this. I don't shit at your desk, so please keep your shit away from mine...or I'll aim at you when I barf.
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14 comments:
Ugh! I hate that smell. That and Microwave popcorn in the office.
If she's preganat I don't think she should be eating fish. I hear it's bad to eat seafood when Pregnant.
Haaa! ...and I thought AMF was an acronym for Adios Mother Fucker! *LOL*
Hey, Stephanie. It's Karen. Maybe you could inform your coworker neighbor that fish is not a vegetable.
But they are such a good band...why would you say they smell?
Same goes for hard boiled eggs! When someone cracks them open the whole office knows it.
Carol S.
ahh Steph, sounds like you opened a can of worms. opps, that's bait, isn't it!
This has my in absolute hysterics! The funniest thing is that she really DID run upstairs, put a towel under her door and stick her head out the window! LOL! Oh, Sissy, you KILL ME! Mmmm...oysters! Snots in a shell. LOL! (Krappa)
From 3 cubicles to the right, fellow suffering co-worker here, and I like fish; but I only eat it in restaurants or grill it OUTSIDE on the BBQ - why? Because cooking fish is stinky business, micro waving it is abhorrent. Also, please allow me to say a few words about those who think it's ok to microwave broccoli, at work, at 10:30 in the morning: You're wrong, so very, very wrong, it's not ok at 10:30 am or any other time of day when other humans are subjected to the putrid stench of soggy sour green veggies floating through recycled air of the 20th floor of a high-rise building with sealed plate glass windows.
Hhhmmm - I think I'll make popcorn, fortunately I know to use the handy popcorn button...
i've just been surfing through other pps blogs and I came across yours, enjoyed yours stories & thought you were very interesting & funny. I totally agree with you on the whole "fish" thing I cannot stomache the smell or the look of fish. I don't give a crap if it's full of protein there is no way in Hell that I would ever EVER be caught eating fish. You need to get some kinda spray thing to at least cover up the smell....hang in there & I feel for you :)
BUT I LIKE THE PISH. It is a very good a meal.
all you whiny people need to get a life. i am sure at one point or another, you have brought something in that stinks. or you have taken a real big dump in the office toilet - either way, sometimes things stink. so does life. get over it.
Uh oh! Sounds like we pissed of a fish-eater & reheater!
Yup! Probably blocks the aisles in the supermarket with the cart, drives slowly in the left lane on the highway and sits in the car in the crowded parking lot for twenty minutes while you wait for the spot and talks on the cell phone while in a restraunt too...
Actually, I never talk on the cell phone in a restaurant, and drive 85 down the left lane of the highway, and don't push the cart at the grocery store. I prefer the hand held basket. Quite frankly, yes, I have some manners, as you clearly don't with your closed minded comments and your spoiled attitude. Hundreds of thousands of people just died in southeast Asia, but all you can complain about is how bad fish stinks in the office. Yes, I think it stinks too, but I don't think it requires this kind of attitude. And clearly, there are quite a few people who need to get their priorities in check. I can't believe the selfishness and audacity of you all. And yes, make some rude comments - I hope that makes you feel good about yourself.
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